Jordy's world commentary

The articles contained here will be a combination of observation, satire and sheer fiction. None of this content should be considered representitive of my core principles or beliefs, and none of it will ever be intended to offend, but deception, parody and crudity will be in evidence. Should you find yourself taking offence, you must exercise your right to seek entertainment elsewhere.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

How do you solve a problem like the BBC?

The BBC used to be revered as the pinnacle of (inter)national audio visual broadcasting.
So I'm told, anyway. As a proud Brit, it's possible I'm inclined to accept that with less resistance. I think there's a danger that things with a history of reverence can tend to free wheel to mediocrity.
Someone once pointed out to me that Sony was a good brand - past tense.
I had been inclined towards a product on the basis that Sony had a good name, and I forget who it was, but the individual alerted me to the fact that I would be buying a name based on its history - not necessarily folly - and that recent (at the time) reviews of Sony products alleged that their product quality had diminished.
So, the BBC: The figurehead of British broadcasting. Publicly funded to passively resist commercialisation and to promote quality programming - such is my understanding.
I can't remember a time when no one complained about paying their licence fee. It's TV tax, and taxes are reluctantly tolerated necessary evils. Bitching about taxes is a British pastime. It's an international pastime too, I know...but it's something the Brits are still genuinely world class at. I understand that nothing gets cheaper. Even when opposition political parties are promising tax reductions, it's just figure juggling. Did you ever actually feel better off as the result of a political power shift? So, the licence fee has become more expensive over time, and that doesn't surprise me. But to my mind the quality of BBC1 programming has diminished over time, representing an exponential decrease in value for money. It's all news, dancing, doctors, rubbish sports, and selling family heirlooms for buttons. Last year and for the previous five or six years it was how to buy and sell houses, and cricket players dancing...on ice! (insert squiggly face emoticon here). It's crap...all of it.
OK, I'll give a little:
Life on mars was awesome.
Hustle was excellent.
Doctor Who is better than it's been for...well, ever.
There'll be other stuff too of course, but I only know what I know. Day time TV is suicidally bad, and most of the evening stuff is too.
This is BBC1!
The oneth!
It's not a league table, I know, but as my buddy (Eh, buddy!) JJ put it, it's so bad it should be relegated. Yes guy!
So we don't get McDonald's or Coca cola ads every 15 minutes..true. But is it commercial free? Is it buttocks. Between most programmes and, indeed, on a fair few programmes, we get BBC propaganda boasting of its own benevolent excellence.
Eastenders - Everyone's talking about it. Really?...Really everyone? And what about it? How good it is? Are you sure?
News 24 - international news with on-the-spot reporters for timely, unbiased and accurate feedback. Celebrity come dancing results are not fucking international news!
Celebrity come dancing has leaked on to everything. It's on Breakfast, it's on the One show (a hideous, hideous programme despite Adrian Chiles' (arguably the best thing about the BBC currently) best efforts), it's on Something for the weekend, it's on between programmes, it's got midweek update programmes. I could easily conceive of an hour long Eastenders entirely dedicated to Dot Cotton and Peggy Mitchell discussing their favourite celebrity in a come dancing special. (Dammit!...I talked about it.)
How do you solve a problem like Maria?...on TV? Really? We're not watching the show, we're watching the auditions! That's the boring stuff before the actual stuff...and we're paying for it! That in turn 'evolves' into a failure show...it transpires that were more interested in the losers than the winners after all. What exactly was the problem anyway? What was the problem that didn't already have a centuries old solution?
The Apprentice?! It's a job interview! On TV! A belligerent yob selects his favourite imbecile from a bumbling of incompetents.
Dragon's Den - I liked this for a while, but I realised it had become an insult fest. Surely the concept here was to encourage the inspired and the inventive to tout their products and ideas to successful business men and women in the hope that they could net the emotional and financial backing required to nurture it to success. When I see (I resist using 'watch') the show now, I witness ridicule and persecution. It's bullying....broadcast by the BBC. This is the same BBC which condemns bullying on shows like Breakfast, Newsround and Grange Hill (RIP). In its favour I suppose I could concede that programmes like this will encourage the motivated to go it alone rather than suffer public humiliation at the hands of self-indulged elitists. I can only hope that it will evolve itself out of existence....or (dare I?) that someone with scruples and integrity gets a grip on it, if it's not already too late.

So, this has turned into a more general rant than originally intended. I can't entirely remember my original point.
Basically, my solution is this: Make it commercial and kill the TV licence.
There is nothing to lose. We will not have more commercials than we do currently, and honestly, I don't think the programming quality has a great deal to lose either.
At the very least, I can stop bitching about it.

4 comments:

  1. I agree with you for the most part, it has definitely gone down hill lately. And if you think BBC 1 is bad, BBC 3 has really been scraping the bottom of the barrel (if you care to see: youtube "my life as an animal"... to name one thing).

    But when was the last time you've flicked through the other UK channels? I had the "privilege" to do so this past week. And by comparison the BBC still stands head and shoulders above the rest. The positive exception being 'Dave', but that's cos they do re-runs of BBC comedy.

    The rest does (re-runs of) boys and their toys (Top Gear/Fifth Gear etc), films that went straight to DVD, chat shows (or should i say catfight shows?) and during the evening it's one crappy reality show after another. Lately i noticed that more and more people in the UK, (even those i think highly of in terms of taste and IQ) are being drawn into the reality thing, so maybe it just is what most people want, or what draws the most viewers, maybe it's just 20% of the population, but perhaps the remaining 80% like too many different things, including things that don't even involve watching tv.

    If nobody would watch those crappy shows they would go away. Which doesn't mean we (the people with superior taste and IQ ;-P) can't moan about it, after all we're all paying for the increasing amount of crap, either through the TV licence, the cable company or every time we spend money on products. So even if you got rid of your TV, you'd still be paying for it every time you go to the shop.

    This is my best defence for the BBC's existence:
    The BBC's aim is to educate, be a platform for all and to provide something for everybody (which is also where it's strength lies) and i think it does that job rather well (you just can't please everybody all the time). And if you're part of a viewing minority, you'll draw the short straw should they go commercial.

    The first thing that would go is (highly expensive) quality drama, including:
    Life on Mars
    Merlin
    Doctor Who
    Rome
    The Street
    Waking the Dead
    Two Thousand Acers of sky (yes i know.. i'm sorry but i really liked it)
    Torchwood
    Survivors
    Robin Hood
    To name a few things of the top of my head that i really like(d), but the list goes on and on and on....

    Apart from a few things that would saleable abroad, we would be left with low cost drama that attracts a lot of viewers:
    EastEnders
    Holby City
    Doctors
    Casualty
    etc

    Edutainment (i hate that word) would go altogether, cos it's expensive to make and most people find that sort of thing boring.
    So bye bye:
    Coast
    Who do you think you are?
    The Truth About Dinosaurs
    History of Scotland
    Inside the medieval Mind
    Terry Jones' Middle ages/Barbarians/Romans
    What the Ancients/Romans did for us
    Again.. to name a few things.

    And finally comedy, and of course everybody likes a good laugh (and nobody likes a good laugh more than i do... actually come to think of it... my wife likes a laugh more than i do and so do her friends). But would a commercial broadcasting company go out on a limb and commission:
    Monty Python's flying circus
    The Young Ones
    Not the 9 o'Clock News
    Bottom (certainly not unless The Young Ones weren't commissioned before)
    Blackadder
    Mr. Bean
    Shooting Stars
    A Bit of Fry and Laurie

    And more recently:
    The Mighty Boosh
    The Office
    How Not to Live your Life
    How to start your own country
    The league of Gentlemen
    Cowards

    For the most part we'd be left with safer things and though some safe things are funny, most are infuriatingly unfunny:
    My Family
    Gavin and Stacey
    Horne and Corden

    And yeah... sometimes taking a risk bites them in the arse (Manuelgate) and sometimes it falls flat on it's arse (We are Klang). But it doesn't stop them from doing it. And that is what makes them great!

    Also... they are doing a lot better than the Dutch public broadcasters. In fact... i'd gladly give up the half an hour of Dutch TV i watch a week (on average) and pay the UK TV licence instead.

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  2. I ran out of characters, but the basic point is:
    They need to do stuff "most people want" to generate funding for programs that attract less viewers.

    I also didn't have enough characters left to expand on the platform for everybody thing. I'd like to illustrate it by something that was on BBC radio:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY-ZrwFwLQg

    It was funded by Atheists, Christians, Jews, Muslims and every other religion in the UK. And i'm sure a lot of them wrote angry letters saying: "I'm not paying my TV & radio licence for that!". Yes you do. Just like Atheists are paying their TV licence for 'Songs of praise' and other religious programs on TV and radio.

    And as a bonus a clip from Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe (BBC 4) illustrating how fake reality TV really is.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBwepkVurCI

    Charlie is brilliant btw, so if you've got some time to kill check out these Screenwipe and Newswipe playlists: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=xthemusic&view=playlists

    I also saw something recently that explained that the seemingly random group of people that have to compete with each other and/or get shoved into the same house aren't random at all but are in fact a carefully selected set of personalities that are likely to clash. But i can't find that clip online (the fact that i can't remember which program it was doesn't help)

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. It is eye again...

    Charlie's screen burn bit in the guardian is all about those annoying and repetitive adverts on the so-called adverts free beeb. Thought you might be interested...

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2009/oct/10/tv-charliebrooker-radio1-advert

    I have also found the elimination show thing i mentioned before. Guess what.. it was also Charlie. And if you thought the apprentice was bad...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdxHRuBRLYE

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